I glanced at this and realized 1. I haven't written in way too long 2. a LOT has happened since then!!
1. Jordan and I talked again after this post. A LOT. By and by I received the best appology ever complete with falling to his knees begging for forgiveness. Yup, I forgave him. We've been working on things and we've been very happy together lately. Today his moving his things back to college. Two more years to go. Saturday after my ex picks up Iz Jordan asked me to go help him move things and get settled in his apartment.
2. AHHHHH This is my last official day of summer break with Iz :( and I have SOOOOO much to do yet! We have a teacher work day on Monday, followed by Open House Monday night and school begins Tuesday morning. I have tons to do to get my classroom ready, but I don't want to forfeit my last day with Iz. I may try to sneak in an hour or two of work with her this afternoon and then go in on Sunday to finish up.
3. YAY I start school Monday and I have my own classroom!
4. OMG I have my own classroom.
5. I'm on a house search. I am beyond ready to have a place of my own and get on my own two feet again. (Away from my mother wouldn't be bad either!) I'm keeping an eye out as I'm working on saving up a down payment.
6. Despite all the nerves and the stress, I'm incredibly blessed and happy, and that my friends, feels incredible to be able to say :)
Friday, August 19, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
And the rug is pulled.....
You know the feeling as a rug is pulled from under your feet...... then as your trying to regain your footing and pull yourself up you keep getting knocked back down......
That's been my life the last few weeks.
I'm typing this sobbing/singing along with Adele.....
But I'm ahead of myself.......
I won't go into detail but my family is the middle of crisis, related to my sister, charges are involved, a called off wedding (it was supposed to be today). Said sister is staying EVERY day during the day here. We can't spend that much time together in the best of circumstances without wanted to kill each other. Now add in emense amounts of stress, fights, tears.
Add to that, my ex husband is appeal a decision reguarding our child support that was made at an administrative meeting in April and I get to appear in court now on August 1st.
I've been leaning on Jordan as my support through all of this in the last couple weeks. I have been an emotional, clingy, over sensitive mess........ Apparently, it was too much........ He was supposed to come over today for my family's unwedding gathering.... He never showed and at 9 when I ask he said he didn't feel well and wouldn't be out.... This lead to a call. He said we needed to talk but he didn't want to over the phone. I pushed because I knew something was up and I knew I'd never get any sleep if I didn't ask and find out. Turns out.... He doesn't think he's ready for a serious relationship like we have. We moved too fast. It's all him, none of it is my fault (says he). He still says he's not going any where but doesn't know what he wants. He's been questioning things for the last two weeks apparently. There's a wedding on the 27th that he'd still like me to attend with him. I don't know what this means. I'm a complete sobbing mess tonight.
I swore I'd never let myself fall fast again. I let my walls down, and then.......
I thought he was it for me. We had the same beliefs, political views, humor, movie tastes, etc...... I'm so hurt, sad and confused.
He called back after our talk and said he wanted the night to think and he'd talk to me tomorrow or come over or something.....
I have no idea, I just feel lost.......
so I'll sit hear a little while long with Adele on my Ipod with tears streaming down my face and pray.
That's been my life the last few weeks.
I'm typing this sobbing/singing along with Adele.....
But I'm ahead of myself.......
I won't go into detail but my family is the middle of crisis, related to my sister, charges are involved, a called off wedding (it was supposed to be today). Said sister is staying EVERY day during the day here. We can't spend that much time together in the best of circumstances without wanted to kill each other. Now add in emense amounts of stress, fights, tears.
Add to that, my ex husband is appeal a decision reguarding our child support that was made at an administrative meeting in April and I get to appear in court now on August 1st.
I've been leaning on Jordan as my support through all of this in the last couple weeks. I have been an emotional, clingy, over sensitive mess........ Apparently, it was too much........ He was supposed to come over today for my family's unwedding gathering.... He never showed and at 9 when I ask he said he didn't feel well and wouldn't be out.... This lead to a call. He said we needed to talk but he didn't want to over the phone. I pushed because I knew something was up and I knew I'd never get any sleep if I didn't ask and find out. Turns out.... He doesn't think he's ready for a serious relationship like we have. We moved too fast. It's all him, none of it is my fault (says he). He still says he's not going any where but doesn't know what he wants. He's been questioning things for the last two weeks apparently. There's a wedding on the 27th that he'd still like me to attend with him. I don't know what this means. I'm a complete sobbing mess tonight.
I swore I'd never let myself fall fast again. I let my walls down, and then.......
I thought he was it for me. We had the same beliefs, political views, humor, movie tastes, etc...... I'm so hurt, sad and confused.
He called back after our talk and said he wanted the night to think and he'd talk to me tomorrow or come over or something.....
I have no idea, I just feel lost.......
so I'll sit hear a little while long with Adele on my Ipod with tears streaming down my face and pray.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Just a little busy :)
It seems that I havn't posted in a while... you know just a day or two.... or 3 months..... Oppsy
About that, you see I've just been a bit busy.....
That date I meantioned back in March, well that has blossomed into an amazing relationship between Jordan and I. He's done home for the summer and I love it. He's amazing and we are so good for each other.
In other news.... not much going on....
I fibbed! A TON is going on!!!
I FINALLY after nearly 6 years of subbing, part time jobs with sub pay and half time jobs on half salary no benifits....... I got a full time job!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just kinda excited if you can't tell. I got a call on a Monday about a 3rd grade opening in the other elementary in my district and set up the interview for Wednesday. I went home at noon, changed, and nervously drove over for my interview. Apparently there was no need for nerves. After some chatting and discussion, the principal told me she had no intention of interveiwing anyone else for the position :) I almost cried. I've been waiting for this for so long.
You see, just over 3 years ago, my ex husband (then husband) wanted me to give up my teaching career because "I wasn't going anywhere with it"..... So worth sticking it out for this!! (now he's the one that's been unemployed for a year and a half!!)
I am so happy right now I feel like I could burst. I am so thankful for all my friends and family who stuck by me through the very rough last few years. I can never thank you enough. I love you all.
THANK YOU!! :)
About that, you see I've just been a bit busy.....
That date I meantioned back in March, well that has blossomed into an amazing relationship between Jordan and I. He's done home for the summer and I love it. He's amazing and we are so good for each other.
In other news.... not much going on....
I fibbed! A TON is going on!!!
I FINALLY after nearly 6 years of subbing, part time jobs with sub pay and half time jobs on half salary no benifits....... I got a full time job!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just kinda excited if you can't tell. I got a call on a Monday about a 3rd grade opening in the other elementary in my district and set up the interview for Wednesday. I went home at noon, changed, and nervously drove over for my interview. Apparently there was no need for nerves. After some chatting and discussion, the principal told me she had no intention of interveiwing anyone else for the position :) I almost cried. I've been waiting for this for so long.
You see, just over 3 years ago, my ex husband (then husband) wanted me to give up my teaching career because "I wasn't going anywhere with it"..... So worth sticking it out for this!! (now he's the one that's been unemployed for a year and a half!!)
I am so happy right now I feel like I could burst. I am so thankful for all my friends and family who stuck by me through the very rough last few years. I can never thank you enough. I love you all.
THANK YOU!! :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Date night
Jordan asked me to dinnner on Friday to catch up. I was a little freaked out about the age thing still but I figured, why not, I hadn't been on a date in forever. So he picked me up, I'll admit that I was nervous but I looked and felt good. There was a wait so we sat at the bar for some drinks and chatting. Talking with him came so easy. We talked for something like 3 hours. The waitress would come up to take our order and we were talking so much we hadn't even looked at the menus!
After dinner we decided that the bar scene wasn't a good choice because we wouldn't be able to talk much, so we decided to go to my house and watch a movie. It was a great night but I still was kinda hesitant. He was my friend's little brother!
Saturday he texted to see what was up. I said that I was chilling with Izzy at home and probably going to watch some Disney movies but he was welcome to come over with us. So he sat through 3 disney movies with us (and often quoting or singing along with me).
Sometime Saturday night or sometime Sunday something clicked in my head. Seriously, why let age be such a hold up. We have a great time together, we can talk about anything and I love spending time with him. So I told him, and he told me he really likes me too. So he's coming home for my birthday next weekend!
Things are looking up! :)
After dinner we decided that the bar scene wasn't a good choice because we wouldn't be able to talk much, so we decided to go to my house and watch a movie. It was a great night but I still was kinda hesitant. He was my friend's little brother!
Saturday he texted to see what was up. I said that I was chilling with Izzy at home and probably going to watch some Disney movies but he was welcome to come over with us. So he sat through 3 disney movies with us (and often quoting or singing along with me).
Sometime Saturday night or sometime Sunday something clicked in my head. Seriously, why let age be such a hold up. We have a great time together, we can talk about anything and I love spending time with him. So I told him, and he told me he really likes me too. So he's coming home for my birthday next weekend!
Things are looking up! :)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Whirlwind of a week(s)
aka is this ride over yet I may want off.... but then again maybe not.... could I just have what I want please? (and thank you!)
This is the week I have had since Saturday.
1. I get 3 texts from Opie wanting a peice of this fabulousness, he asked 3 time and I said no 3 times! I said I don't want or deserve just sex and if that's what I wanted I could get it. Haven't heard from him since. (ok not all together true, I replied with that the first time. The second time he wanted a bit of a rainy day co-ed shower, to which I replied when we were together he didn't want a co-ed shower "because why would you want to watch me wash my butt" (His words not mine). Third time sorry, I can't you know why. I actually replied at one point, " I've put myself out there for you before and all I got was heartache, I'm not sure I can do that to myself again.
2. Told Matt he got kinda jealous. "It's you're choice and maybe you would get your better kisser out of the deal" (enter sarcasim here). Seriously, if your interested. Ask me out, if not and you want to continue what we have been, you have no right to be jealous!
3. Had an old (but significantly younger, say 22) friend asked me tonight, to dinner sometime. I said sure. I'm nervous and kinda freaking out. I'll be 28 next saturday. It's Jordan!! I've never ever ever thought of him other than Val's little bro! But he's a good guy, put off college for a year or two to help his mom care for his dad with MS. But IT"S JORDAN!
4. Oh yeah that was the 23 yr old set up from a friend last week who told a friend who wanted a nice girl to take out. So we texted a few times. He quit after he found out I spent last Friday night knitting and am a complete dork. Oh yeah and I didn't respond the way he wanted me to when he told me he was walking around naked. Um no, we've texted for 2 days and never met you're not getting more that a Haha nice to that one. Sorry about your luck.
Oy. What a week! (but really if the man parade must continue I'm game ;)
This is the week I have had since Saturday.
1. I get 3 texts from Opie wanting a peice of this fabulousness, he asked 3 time and I said no 3 times! I said I don't want or deserve just sex and if that's what I wanted I could get it. Haven't heard from him since. (ok not all together true, I replied with that the first time. The second time he wanted a bit of a rainy day co-ed shower, to which I replied when we were together he didn't want a co-ed shower "because why would you want to watch me wash my butt" (His words not mine). Third time sorry, I can't you know why. I actually replied at one point, " I've put myself out there for you before and all I got was heartache, I'm not sure I can do that to myself again.
2. Told Matt he got kinda jealous. "It's you're choice and maybe you would get your better kisser out of the deal" (enter sarcasim here). Seriously, if your interested. Ask me out, if not and you want to continue what we have been, you have no right to be jealous!
3. Had an old (but significantly younger, say 22) friend asked me tonight, to dinner sometime. I said sure. I'm nervous and kinda freaking out. I'll be 28 next saturday. It's Jordan!! I've never ever ever thought of him other than Val's little bro! But he's a good guy, put off college for a year or two to help his mom care for his dad with MS. But IT"S JORDAN!
4. Oh yeah that was the 23 yr old set up from a friend last week who told a friend who wanted a nice girl to take out. So we texted a few times. He quit after he found out I spent last Friday night knitting and am a complete dork. Oh yeah and I didn't respond the way he wanted me to when he told me he was walking around naked. Um no, we've texted for 2 days and never met you're not getting more that a Haha nice to that one. Sorry about your luck.
Oy. What a week! (but really if the man parade must continue I'm game ;)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Back at it (again)
I started off 2011 really well. I dropped 8 pounds in the first three weeks. Since then, it's been not so good. I've been flucuating between 1-2 pounds from my lowest in Jan (which isn't bad but not good either). I know I haven't been excersising like I should and eating has only been so so.
So last week I decided to make a change. I knew my aunt had a copy of Power 90 so I went to her house and we talked about it and she gave me her dvds to use for a couple weeks. I officially started on Valentine's Day (I figured might as well since I didn't have anything else to do.) I'm currently on day 10 and still going strong. The scale hasn't moved yet but I can tell a difference in my ability to do the videos and in my body. I haven't made any goals for this program except to complete it. I don't want to disappoint myself by not reaching my goals. I guess really my ultimate goal is when my bridesmaid dress comes in for my sister's wedding in July that it has to be taken in...... A LOT!
So last week I decided to make a change. I knew my aunt had a copy of Power 90 so I went to her house and we talked about it and she gave me her dvds to use for a couple weeks. I officially started on Valentine's Day (I figured might as well since I didn't have anything else to do.) I'm currently on day 10 and still going strong. The scale hasn't moved yet but I can tell a difference in my ability to do the videos and in my body. I haven't made any goals for this program except to complete it. I don't want to disappoint myself by not reaching my goals. I guess really my ultimate goal is when my bridesmaid dress comes in for my sister's wedding in July that it has to be taken in...... A LOT!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's day
I decided that tonight as this Valentine's day comes to yet another lonely close, I'd chanel some Music Man lyrics. <3
But first some reflection. The hopeless romantic in me wants to dive whole heartedly into this holiday and it's possibilities. Unfortunately, the effects of the past few years has left that part of me badly bruise and hurt and truely questioning myself and relationships. I still mourn the loss of my marriage. Please don't read this wrong, I don't miss being married to my ex husband. I miss the joy, dreams, and companionship I found on this date in 2007. When I was snowed in as a newlywed. I'm fairly certain that my wonderful daughter is here today due in part to that snow storm.
I miss having someone to call my own. I was hoping to not spend tonight alone (a certain someone decided tonight he should go to bed early). I'm sure he too was leary of the date and knowing me was pretty sure that I would have over analyzed if he would have come over. Me? Over analyze? NEVER! There are still moments with him that make me think there's potential there..... but again, that may be me reading too far into things. Only time will tell what will happen. As lonely as I am tonight, I still can't help but to pray and hope that there is someone out there who is just for me and that I'll find him.
Goodnight, my someone,
Goodnight, my love,
Sleep tight, my someone,
Sleep tight, my love,
Our star is shining it's brightest light
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.
Sweet dreams be yours, dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight
True love can be whispered from heart to heart
When lovers are parted they say
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are.
Sweet dreams be yours dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.
Goodnight,
Goodnight.
But first some reflection. The hopeless romantic in me wants to dive whole heartedly into this holiday and it's possibilities. Unfortunately, the effects of the past few years has left that part of me badly bruise and hurt and truely questioning myself and relationships. I still mourn the loss of my marriage. Please don't read this wrong, I don't miss being married to my ex husband. I miss the joy, dreams, and companionship I found on this date in 2007. When I was snowed in as a newlywed. I'm fairly certain that my wonderful daughter is here today due in part to that snow storm.
I miss having someone to call my own. I was hoping to not spend tonight alone (a certain someone decided tonight he should go to bed early). I'm sure he too was leary of the date and knowing me was pretty sure that I would have over analyzed if he would have come over. Me? Over analyze? NEVER! There are still moments with him that make me think there's potential there..... but again, that may be me reading too far into things. Only time will tell what will happen. As lonely as I am tonight, I still can't help but to pray and hope that there is someone out there who is just for me and that I'll find him.
Goodnight, my someone,
Goodnight, my love,
Sleep tight, my someone,
Sleep tight, my love,
Our star is shining it's brightest light
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.
Sweet dreams be yours, dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight
True love can be whispered from heart to heart
When lovers are parted they say
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are.
Sweet dreams be yours dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.
Goodnight,
Goodnight.
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