Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 Review

        So I'm sitting here in my jammies on New Year's Eve. Yup, you guessed all plans for plans fell through.  I never got the balls to ask Matt if he wanted to do something and chances are he would have said no anyway. So as I'm sitting here all grumpy, bummed and blue, I thought I'd make a review of the positive things that happened in 2010.

        ~ Men~
        My first thought on men it 2010 was, well that was a bust, but not really.  I was broke up with in the first month of the year with Opie. I'd been with him for about 6 months. I loved him. It hurt like hell but I survived it and learned from it. While I never officially had a date in 2010, I had some good fun with flirting and maybe a bit of non PG material. I had a few guys go after me too. Granted one was an ex con (yeah I will NOT be dating anyone who went to PRISON especially when it was for statutory rape and then when telling me the story of what happens insists that "it was all her fault" and she lied. Sorry that's not just gonna happen.)  Then there's Ed. I like Ed. We met a few years ago at my best friend's wedding in England.  We've chatted every once and a while since. After things fell through with Opie, Ed and I started to talk a lot more. During this time I got my nice tax return and decided what the heck I'll go to England and visit. See Amy and get to hang with Ed in the meantime. Well a few weeks before I left for England, Ed started seeing someone. We saw each other once at a party that I got incredibly drunk (it wasn't pretty!) We've chatted since, and he's expressed interest in me again. My problem is that he's in England. That's a long way away even if I didn't have a kid. But I have Izzy. I'm not allowed to even move out of the county withouth permission from my ex husband.  I don't know that I can deal with long term at this point in my life, no matter how much I may want to.

~ Life~
        I have been blest with my half time position at school again this year and praying for a full time position soon! 
       I got to visit my best friend in England for 10 days and found out that she was pregnant on my visit! We had such a good time. I've been so blessed to have such a fabulous friend for so many years (we added it up, it's been 14 years!!)  And BONUS I got to see her and her family again in November :) (I'm trying really hard to not spend my tax return this year for another visit!!)
      Then there's Izzy. She's my bright spot. I don't know what to do with myself when she's at her dad's. She started Pre-k this year and she's loving every minute of it.
      My grandma got deathly ill after a hernia surgery in November and it was touch and go for a while. My family has been blessed again as she is now home and on the long road of recovery.

I'm glad I did this. I do feel better. I'm still bummed that I don't have any plans tonight but I also realize how blessed I am to spend this evening with my fabulous family!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


       I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blankets with the sniffles and a cough (oh thank you lovely children I teach every day for sharing your cold germs with me, it's the best Christmas present ever!).  However, my mind is wandering forward to New Year's Eve. 
       What to do, what to do?   I have a babysitter set aside for Izzy (even though I have no clue what I'm actually going to be doing).  I realized the other day that I haven't actually gone out on New Year's Eve in about 5 years.  Yeah, it's been WAY too long. I think this is the year to end that horrible trend.  But now I have to figure out what in the world to do.
        There's the old stand by of find out what my sister and her now- fiance are doing (but I always end up feeling like a 3rd wheel and her fiance can be a jerk). I could stay home (really don't like this option). OR there's another option I'm toying with.  There's Matt.  He and I have been  friends for about a year. For about the last 6 months we've gotten really close.  We've been texting every night and occasionally a phone call just for the heck of it. We've never gone out together but there have been some indications that maybe he's leaning that way. I'm working on staying neutral until I know for sure.  Let me try to fill you in a bit.
       So, ever since this summer he's said he doesn't want anything more than to be friends. Which is fine I can deal with that (I think).  BUT there was once early in the fall when he texted me one weekend when I was away that he "missed me and wished I was with him".  HMMM interesting.
        We quit chatting as much for a month or so when he was interested in another woman and I was attempting to work things out with an ex of mine.  Well about a month ago things fell through for both of us. We've resumed our friendship as it was before.
        Fast forward to this weekend. He's out with some friends on a "Ugly Sweater Bus Tour" (aka, lets put ugly Christmas sweaters on and rent a bus to drive us to the different bars around). He texts me that he should have invited me out because we would have had a good time.... Again I say interesting........
       Pair this with when he was over last week he looked at me and said "What are you going to do if I find a girlfriend." I told him I was pretty sure I'd survive it haha.   Is he fishing? What in the world is going on in this guys head?
      But I am thinking if he doesn't work New Year's Eve, I'm going to have to remind him of his text and tell him we should do something.

Thoughts? Help me out here.

Country Girl seeking.... New Year's Eve plans!  

Sunday, December 19, 2010


The blahs have left the building! YAY
and now it is time to move on to celebrations!

My sister got engaged last night!!! WOOHOO! Now I have to get my butt in gear and lose weight for her island wedding sometime this Spring. 

My grandma is doing better than she was a few weeks ago, and it's a slow process but we're counting our blessings. This past week also marked the 10 year anniversary of her liver transplant <3

I got a text from a certain male friend of mine lasts night that he should have invited me to go out with him and a group of friends last night.  Why yes he should have. I think he should make up for his mistake now, don't you?

Country Girl seeking ..... merriment :)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

4 years

     Four years ago today I stood before family and friends and said my vows.  I'm sitting here tonight unsure how to feel. 
     I am more than thrilled that I am no longer married to my ex husband. I may not have been the one to initiate the divorce but I am the one that came out of it for the better by far.  I am sad though that my daughter doesn't get the family life that I had growing up. Already she tells me she misses her dad (even when she's just returned from his house) and askes when she can see him again. It breaks my heart that she can't be with both of us all the time (again thank God that I don't have to deal with him on that constant basis, bedtimes every night and seeing him walk Izzy to her classroom two days a week is more than enough!)
       A part of me feels like maybe that was my one shot and being with someone. While this isn't a large part of my thinking it still sits there and nags, "what if."  
        My sister caught on to my sour mood these evening and recommended Vitamin A. I told her the reason for my mood and were she can stick her Vitamin A. She said she thought I should be happy that I am no longer in that marriage. I am, I truely am; but today I mourn for the innocence and dreams I had those 4 years ago and the harsh realities I've come to face. 

Country girl seeking..... comfort.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Dear Santa

I could write a heart-felt sappy letter to Santa. Be completely selfless and wish for world peace.... While I do wish for it, it just ain't gonna happen. So here it goes.... (This *may* have been inspired by Glee this week, I can't help it!)

Dear Santa,
   I want a Christmas boyfriend for Christmas (kinda of a catchy title isn't it, I see the marketing schemes starting for next year already).  I'll even make a compromise. I'll take a date.  Seriously it's been too long since I've had an actual date (don't even ask, I'm not telling). See I think this would be great for me to help Reclaim Christmas (see previous blog).   It's cold and a cuddle buddy would be much appriciated. 
Thanks Santa you're the best!

Country girl seeking Christmas boyfriend, date, or cuddle buddy.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Reclaiming Christmas

     I love Christmas. I always have.  It's by far my favorite time of the year. It's the snow, the family, baking, faith, etc.  I love it so much that 4 years ago I decided to have my wedding a week before Christmas. It was beautiful and everything I dreamed it would be.....
 Fast forward four years.

      This is my third Christmas divorced (ok really second but the divorce was in the works for the third and it was by far my worst Christmas ever).   I'm finally reclaiming Christmas.  The last two have been hard to say the least. I don't by any means miss my ex husband. I do miss,  having someone to put a tree up with and snuggle on the couch with in the dark (though my daughter is a pretty good subsitute).  Something has just felt lacking.

    So this year I'm reclaiming Christmas. As I write this my duaghter is baking cookies with her grandpa, the tree is lit, snow is beginning to fall, and carols are playing in the background.  I'm beginning to feel the magic again.

Country girl seeking to reclaim Christmas.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


  It seems like I've been going from one activity to another whether it's family related, school related, or friend related. Let me sum up very briefly. (I'll skip over the stress-filled ex husband flustrations (yes, I know I made up my own word... I like it. I'm flustered, I'm frustred (yeah another made up word) so I'm flustrated!)

My best friend came home to visit from England. Thanks to a rather unfortunate accident her hubby broke his leg and dislocating his ankle, causing them to stay for an unintended long holiday. (No complaining here it was fabulous to see her and watch our kids play together!)

My grandma has not been doing well. She's been in and out of the hospital since she had hernia surgery 2 or 3 weeks ago (really it's getting kind of fuzzy now). My family held an annointing serivce for her at the hospital Saturday night. It's a beautiful, quiet ceromony that revives my faith everytime I'm a part of one. During the service my grandpa (also my pastor) asked Grandma if she had anything she wanted to say to our family. Her simple statement was "keep the faith."  I think she's tired of fighting (as is her body), she's been fighting for 10 blessed years now (I'll blog about the events 10 years ago later)..... Everything's in God's hands now; "Thy will be done."

As for me personally, nothing has been going on. No nibblets, not even much flirtation.  I wish I had someone to lean on, cry to, to hold me.  4 years ago right before Christmas my great grandmother past away not 20 feet from where I am sitting. My family and I surrounded her and sang hymns as she drew her last breath and passed away in her childhood home as she had always wanted.  I made it through that time with the support of my wonderful family. At the time I was also married with a baby.  I'm not saying that I miss being married to my ex (no way in Hell, best thing that ever happened to me was the day he filed for divorce, though it took me a while to realize it).  I do miss the comfort of having someone to sleep beside, to hold me at my low times to comfort me.  But apparently it is not meant to be this time.  So I'll resort to leaning on my friends (in more ways than one!) and family, and muster up the strength to continue on.
This is going to be a hard month I'm afraid.

Country Girl seeking Peace.....

Friday, November 5, 2010


Ok so I've been neglecting my blog... I'm aware. I appologize. Things have been just a teeeeny bit stressful.  To sum it all up my last two weeks have been...... getting my daughter started in pre-k and thusly dealing with my ex husband (ugh I hate that man), moving my baby sister back home after her white trash ex fiance and she broke it off (let me tell you there's a great story behind this one), sick family (now including my daughter), and no I mean NO men lately.  I haven't even had as much as an object of flirtation. It's depressing.....
I did invite my eye candy at work to ride with me to a function on Monday.... He had "errands" to run... sure...
Oh yeah and my dreams.... CRAZY! Like Englishman snogging (yes I said snogging) another girl in front of me in my dream, a ghost capturing my daughter, doing a favor and getting burned for Eye Candy.  Weird weird dreams.

Totally random post, I know, but everything has been totally random lately!

Country Girl seeking peace.... and at least an object of flirtation.... PLEASE!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

October Blahs

I'm so over October.  Don't get me wrong. I love the month, the weather, the football, harvest, etc.  However, the month does not seem to like me. A long term relation was ended in October, messed up my knee in October, served with divorce papers in October, and now let down again in October.  Is it November yet?

Country girl seeking November (or at least to turn this bad streak around!)  (Oh that and my best friend in the whole wide world is coming to visit for a bit from England in November :) YAY!)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Perfect Weather

Finally, finally, finally the weather is perfect fall weather!
Don't get me wrong, I love every season BUT fall and winter are the two favorites around here...
With fall comes harvest, cooler temps (finally, even though our first day of fall this year made it to a sweltering 90+!!!), football. It's the perfect weather for soups, jeans, sweaters, sweatshirts and campfires.

Sprint PictureMail

Doesn't it look awesomely cozy?
It's missing one thing..... someone to cuddle with...
Know any takers?

Country Girl seeking campfire cuddles.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Hurry up and wait

Day 2- still waiting, still haven't heard a thing...

Ok so I've decided if I haven't heard from Farmer Man by this weekend I'm going to go talk to him while he's harvesting.  I deserve answers and this isn't fair.

I know, I know. Chances are if he hasn't responded yet, chances are he doesn't want to get back together and he's avoiding the conversation. BUT  I just can't let him go yet. I need to know. A good friend of mine talked to him and his best friend a month (ish) ago.  Basically what she told me was, things went too fast before (true), he's never been in a relationship longer than ours (6 months), he's not quite sure how to be in a relationship but if he can lead things at his pace he'd try again.... And I realized last night, I never told him I understand all those points. But most importantly I didn't tell him that I'm game for that! (Granted that's because he never came to talk and didn't answer his phone). 
So.... yes, go talk to him this weekend OR no, wait it out?

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Blog Revived!

So I decided today that it's time to revive this blog. New name, new look... oh yeah and actually writing on it may be a good start.

Lets see where am I at right now.   School's in session (except today, thank you NW Ohio fog!), I'm teaching half time Title I reading. I help out kids who are having problems learning to read.  Iz just turned 3!  Still no man... Thought I had one for a while, Farmer Man we'll call him. He's really a great guy. Works hard, was a great boyfriend for a while even through harvest. Shocking I know!  But then deer season came and he kinda disappeared on me for a while. Wouldn't return calls or texts.  Fast forward, he officially broke it off in January. Said I was wasting my time, etc.  So I've spent the last YEAR trying to get over him (yes, this is longer than it took me to get over my ex husband!)

Then come Labor day a little bird told me he was interested again..... So after a few weeks of texts and flirts, and what not. I went to his place and things felt right again (or so I thought). Now I can only get him to answer farming questions via text . I just need to know what is going on in his brain! What does he want here!?!?!  SOS!
So last night I left a voicemail that I need to know what he wants between us and I'll try to quit bugging him until he tells me.... Note try... It's rough... I don't like waiting..... at all....
But I'm doing it.

Day 1- drove past his farm, he was there. Refrained from stopping (yay me)... ugh I hate waiting.....

Well what do you guys think? Real honest opinions here!